Have you ever looked back on part of your life and it seems as though it isn’t really you? That your life NOW is so far away from what life was like then, that you almost don’t recognize yourself?
Over the last year, I’ve made so many new friends through my coaching business and through #SUGARMAMASTRONG. I have to remind myself sometimes, that these new friends don’t know the WHOLE story…the story of how my life fell apart and I had to put back the pieces.
So, here it is, the good, the bad, and the ugly—how I started the road to healing and found my strength.
Most of you know, if you’ve been following my page, that I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at age 21, just before my wedding. It was an emotionally trying time with the diagnosis, the wedding, and starting my teaching career. After our wedding, we tried to get pregnant for a few years, through fertility treatments, and were finally blessed and conceived while “on vacation”. *insert eye roll here* Unfortunately, I lost the baby at 20 weeks after being told he had a brain condition that was incompatible with life. That was the first time in my life where I fell into a dark hole. Our marriage suffered (in more ways than one, though I didn’t know this until years later). In 2004, I was pregnant with Ben, and found out for the first time that my husband cheated on me. I had just quit my job, moved several states away from my family, and was 8 months pregnant when I found out. I felt stuck and so I stayed. This discovery turned me into a woman I never thought I would be—insecure, jealous, bitter, angry. When Ben turned one, we separated, though that wasn’t my choice either. I would have fought with every ounce of strength I had, but I’m also not someone who is going to beg her husband to love and want her.
I went back home to Florida and Ben and I lived with my parents. During my time there, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Also, during this time, my husband decided he made a mistake and wanted his family back. I never wanted to look back on my life and wonder if I could have done more. I told him I would absolutely not move away from my family again. And, I told him if he was going to be with us, he would need to make peace with my dad. I didn’t want him dying worrying about us. When he flew in to see us and talk to my dad, I was so excited to see him. It had been a few months and I remember buying a new outfit, renting a hotel room on the beach—I couldn’t wait to be a family again. When I picked him up from the airport, I could tell immediately that something was off…you know how you just KNOW? That was when he told me his girlfriend was pregnant. The girlfriend, I found out later, who moved in the day Ben and I moved out. That night, I told him I wanted a divorce…I mean, how do you come back from THAT? The next day, a Sunday, I told my dad I was going to be OK–that we were divorcing and that Ben and I were going to be alright. He passed the next day. I lost my daddy and my husband in the same weekend. To say that these events broke me might sound dramatic. And I might have been broken, but I got up every single day, because Ben needed me. My baby boy deserved a mother who was thriving, not just surviving.
That was the first time I started working out at a gym…
Shortly after, the divorce diet was in full effect and I had lost 20 pounds and started dating. Six months later, I met Rich. It is an AMAZING feeling to be loved the way you know you deserve to be loved. That being said, I came with a lot of baggage. (and a 2 year old). It wasn’t until a few years into our marriage, and one baby later, that I decided to really work on ME. I was tired of just going through the motions of being a mom and a wife…I wanted to LIVE. I started setting some pretty lofty goals for myself—first a 5k, then a triathlon, a few half marathons…personal trainer certification, group fitness instructor, and then Team Beachbody Coach.
If you had told me back then, when Ben was just two, when I was struggling as a single mom, that 10 years later, I’d be here—I would have told you to shut up.
The biggest difference? I believe in the power of dreaming big. I truly, 100% believe that I can leave my mark on the world. I am convinced that I can accomplish any goal I set for myself—and why? Because the support system I have is unparalleled. I have THE most amazing husband and family behind me, and a network of sugar mamas across the globe in my corner.
So, what’s the point of this blog post? Honestly, I don’t really know—I guess I want you to know that no matter what life might seem like NOW, it doesn’t mean that it can’t change. ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING is possible, if you believe in the power of your dreams <3